30th August, 2012

Dear You,
I want you to tell me about every person you've ever been love with.
Tell me why you loved them, then tell me why they loved you.
Tell me about a day in your life you didn't think you'd live through.
Tell me what the word "home" means to you and tell me in a way that I'll know your mother's name just by the way you describe your bed room when you were 8.
See, I wanna know the first time you felt the weight of hate and if that day still trembles beneath your bones.
Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain or bounce in the bellies of snow?
And if you were to build a snowman, would you rip to branches from a tree to build your snowman arms?
Or would you leave the snowman armless for the sake of being harmless to the tree?
And if you would, would you notice how that tree weeps for you because your snowman has no arms to hug you everytime?
Do you kiss your friends on the cheek?
Do you sleep beside them when they're sad, even it makes your lover mad?
Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain?
See, I wanna know what you think of your first name.
And if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother's joy when she spoke it for the very first time.
I want you to tell me all the ways you've been unkind.
Tell me all the ways you've cruel.
See I wanna know more than what you do for a living.
I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving.
And if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes.
I wanna know if you bleed sometimes through other people's wounds.

27th August, 2012

I did what I said I was going to do this summer.
I didn’t apologize to anybody.
I saw things.
I saw people.
I opened myself up and am only afraid now that I am closing myself back down.
I saw more clearly where I need to be and what’s more, I saw how I can get there.
I saw the Rockies, I saw ten-thousand miles of road, I saw the Atlantic and the Pacific, I remembered.
I let go.
I welcomed a beautiful person kissing my scars.
I cried so many times.
I moved.
I read things that made me slow down and felt things that helped me speed back up.
I made a stranger laugh until they cried.
I blushed.
I blushed so many times.
I crossed a bridge and it didn’t make my heart race or my palms sweat.
I took pictures.
I picked up a spider and set it on a tree, I wasn’t afraid of that anymore either.
I ate honey out of a jar with a spoon.
I saw the milky way.
I climbed.
I biked.
I fell.
I made plans that will never happen.
I hugged my best friend.
I missed my dad.
I tried to understand my mom.
I remembered old music and found new music.
I stopped hating my body for it’s weaknesses.
I walked with purpose even when I didn’t know where I was going.
I fought.
I still am fighting.
I’m afraid for this summer to be over.
I’m afraid to wake up in the morning and find that the air feels different.
I’m afraid of all the times in my life I’ll get closer and closer just find that it hurts like hell when you open your eyes and you’re further and further.
I’m afraid but I’m not going to apologize for that either.
I’m going to try and stay open to people in the ways this summer has taught me to be, I’m going to try and welcome the hurt when it is necessary.
I’m going to remember that letting go of this summer is worth it just to smell the autumn.