27th August, 2012

I did what I said I was going to do this summer.
I didn’t apologize to anybody.
I saw things.
I saw people.
I opened myself up and am only afraid now that I am closing myself back down.
I saw more clearly where I need to be and what’s more, I saw how I can get there.
I saw the Rockies, I saw ten-thousand miles of road, I saw the Atlantic and the Pacific, I remembered.
I let go.
I welcomed a beautiful person kissing my scars.
I cried so many times.
I moved.
I read things that made me slow down and felt things that helped me speed back up.
I made a stranger laugh until they cried.
I blushed.
I blushed so many times.
I crossed a bridge and it didn’t make my heart race or my palms sweat.
I took pictures.
I picked up a spider and set it on a tree, I wasn’t afraid of that anymore either.
I ate honey out of a jar with a spoon.
I saw the milky way.
I climbed.
I biked.
I fell.
I made plans that will never happen.
I hugged my best friend.
I missed my dad.
I tried to understand my mom.
I remembered old music and found new music.
I stopped hating my body for it’s weaknesses.
I walked with purpose even when I didn’t know where I was going.
I fought.
I still am fighting.
I’m afraid for this summer to be over.
I’m afraid to wake up in the morning and find that the air feels different.
I’m afraid of all the times in my life I’ll get closer and closer just find that it hurts like hell when you open your eyes and you’re further and further.
I’m afraid but I’m not going to apologize for that either.
I’m going to try and stay open to people in the ways this summer has taught me to be, I’m going to try and welcome the hurt when it is necessary.
I’m going to remember that letting go of this summer is worth it just to smell the autumn.